No Sense Whatsoever...

Checking out the last note, I came to a firm and well informed realization.... I'm making no sense whatsoever! Not that it's total bullshit or anything, it's just saying everything without saying something.. Reading between the so called lines is an art, easy to master for those who have the inside scoop. For others, very hard to do. Those who get it, I want to salute. Those who don't, well.... just don't. Makes no difference whatsoever what anyone thinks. I like it! A recent highlight happened today actually and that famous saying, 'today's friends...' proved itself true once again. It's a cliche, but cliches are what's keeping me alive today. The society of tortured cliches, which I am proudly affiliated with has proven itself worthy once again. Without it, the reaction would have been completely different. Now it just really don't matter anymore how the minds of others work. Maybe its because the subject has been through the ordeal and its really a sensitive one, I understand. But it is amazing, the other side of the coin is there. A person from the society used to say, 'It is even worse when you see all the flaws moving...' He is right!!! I add to that '...in you and in others around. But with others around, you just feel for them and realize how lame their thought process is and you empathize cause yours is equally, if not even more, lame'... To conclude this marvellous essay on human behaviour, I would like to say that the present circumstances have shed some serious light on things. This idea of going on with life day in day out thinking I know everything there is to know about everything is over. There's a lot more to it than that. The longer it goes on, the better it is. It said 'More Will Be Revealed', and more is being revealed on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. Pretty cool to see reactions as opposed to actions. Enlightening and very informative. Data becomes information.... and like the man said, 'information is...' Just another cliche!

Cradling Broken Glass...

Been a dodgy couple weeks the past couple weeks. Cats are showing all true colours, jiving on and on about meaningless shit that don't make no sense. Kickin' the bucket has been on my processor and that's not cause I want, dig. It's just these annoying pokes and stabs in the old ticker, making me feel I'm being crushed under a ton of granite. Babbling, babbling, babbling. And all for what? The options one has to select through, undeniably good but at the same moment, disgustingly pathetic. Why not stick to the sure thing? But is there really a thing as a sure thing or is it just all a myth? Lots of questions and marks I see and yet there's still no answer. Just some hallucinations on that great thing in the head... At this point whoever checks this piece probably says the cat's lost it, probably rolled up his wrists again or something that side of stupid... Let me assure you and reassure you, hasn't happened yet and will not happen... ever... That PJ dude put it as eloquently as a cat can, talkin' about how 'black' it is on the inside. It is! Do I want IN.... I do I guess. I actually know I do.... but how and what will come out of it... Hope something good does, I need that good thing but still can't get my shit together enough to preserve it!

The Dentist's Stairs

I'm sitting here, on the stairs outside my dentist's clinic waiting for the orderly to call my ticket. Nothing spectacular, just smoking the time away. Got a cigarette in my hand and nothing better to do but wait. People passing are very interesting. I try to gauge them, judge them, find something in their eyes, a clue to who they are, what life them lead and i find nothing. I guess I'm being a bit self righteous about how i see them, the things they do that seem disgusting to me. Throwing a cigarette on the ground, that kind of thing, and the first thing that comes to mind is how on earth are these people doing these things? In an instant i forget what i used to do and what i was like. It just happens i guess. We do forget our own faults when we see or hear of other peoples' faults and i am getting it now. Being in the situation i am in now, i really get it. It really is an ugly when a soul condemns another soul. Word to the wise.... Buy a mirror. Guess where the butt of my now finished cigarette is now?!?!

Starting Off....

It's pretty amazing the way life takes you left and right, up and down, even sideways. You bump into people, meet them and things just happen. The fact that you're with it or not don't really make a difference. Trying to understand it is useless. It's like trying to understand why water is wet, why stone is hard. There's no point, is there? Point is, it gets to me the way we are perceived. Someone messes something up and all of a sudden he/she is villain of the week or if the time constraints are not there, of the month or year. Interesting conversation for some who have nothing. Even the history one had with another one, being there, supporting, listening to the unfolding drama, waiting for the impending outburst of the emotional shitstorm and then when you really need them, they are nowhere to be found. I appreciate the strong sense of camaraderie going on here, though there is always a flipside to the coin that, if discovered, will turn the scales upside down. Who cares anyways? It's a learning experience this life thing. Pretty interesting and I'm thankful that after almost a decade and a half I finally discovered it exists. Buried under the rubble of my own mind, I was in my own miniature world, where the rules were unlike those of the rest of the world. To all of you who helped, thank you. To all of you who didn't, thank you. To all of you who just don't care, thank you. It is good to know that it's like this. It's a relief to be alive and living. Finally, like a wise man once said, you can all go pleasantly fuck yourselves.