Moving On...

I've been hearing these two words from someone who is very dear to me and honestly.... I've had it with them. I have had it with them so bad that I'm taking moving on to a whole new level. The futility of sorrow and pain is apparent now more than ever. Then what? Life doesn't stop or the world will not discontinue to revolve around the fuckin sun. It doesn't end there, it begins there. Earlier I was pretty pissed off about some two bit jive ass skanky whore, who I hope is reading this, taking about me in a very interesting manner. Singing all that jazz about how I'm a junkie, useless son of a bitch, abuser, dependant and honestly, I can't blame her. She's a good girl but that's her personality. She's who she is and that's that. That's me and I'm seeking to change, operative words here being 'seeking to change'. I used to think that the punishment should fit the crime and that life is being totally unjust to me and to what I did. I hurt someone, sure. I messed up a life, definitely. I don't deserve this? Hell yes I do! It's a lesson and an important one and I have taken it up the ass and so I've learnt. Doing things with my own head and not listening is not the right way to go and making decisions when completely blind from the obvious gifts I had in my life was a big mistake. I got on my knees, like someone told me but 'It's too late', someone else told me. I respect it and understand it and no matter how hard of a time I have accepting it don't mean shit. It's reality and push is coming to shove and I'm gonna be there, no bending over, no breaking, no tears. Regrets I will always have, but might as well stick em up my ass cause they ain't doing me any damn good. Other than that, the jive I get every day has finally kicked in. Let's move on and get the ball rolling. Doesn't mean the feelings aren't there. Doesn't mean that I will ever forget or stop feeling how I feel. Just move on and let someone up there handle it for a change. I've been clinging on to the same sick, twisted remnants of my old me and I'm sick of it. Now it's time to really move on and show me that I am not who I used to be anymore. Anyone else can watch if they choose, but that's it. Everybody expects the junkie to stick the needle in his arm out of sheer self pity and loathing. But not anymore. Until an hour ago I was that weak and that lame to go on that course of action. But, damn! The effect some words can have on a person after getting drilled in them for a while. It's life changing shit. The buck stops here and let's......move on!